12.03.07
For the Planet’s Sake, Save Your Marriage!
Just when you thought that it couldn’t get any worse… Global warming takes on the family unit. Ack!
Please excuse me while I clean up this little bit of vomit. But yes, you heard (read?) me correctly. In the name of global warming, we should now be putting forth more effort to keep our families together. Seriously. I can’t make this stuff up!
While I can think of at least a dozen reasons to work on keeping your family together and out of the divorce court, it would seem that one of those reasons that somehow evaded me is global warming. How could I have been so selfish? After all, isn’t it all about global warming these days? Then again, what is love and commitment next to climate change? How dare I even compare?
But alas, it is true. As much as I wish I were writing fiction here, global warming has in fact invaded one of our oldest institutions; and according to a recent study by Michigan State University, “we should save our marriages to save the environment.” Why you ask?
Well it would seem that when people divorce, one person moves out and starts a new household, which “leads to less efficient use of natural resources, more demand for land for housing, and higher expenditure on utilities.”
The study also says that “due to higher consumption per person, an individual in a divorced household might also generate more waste. These factors contribute to global environmental changes such as climate change and biodiversity loss.”
So first off, I would like to say that I am bothered to no end that a major state university spent time and money on a study that points out the obvious to us. Seriously, did we need a university study to tell us that two households use more than a single household? Not only is this our tax dollars at work, it is a disturbing look at the future of our country. I shudder to think!
Second, if you need to look to global warming and saving the environment as a reason to keep your marriage alive, you have got bigger problems that should be dealt with. If I ever met a couple that proclaimed that they were together to save the environment, I would slap them… Right after I threw up on their shoes.
And finally, has the green crowd finally hit that point of no return where science, logic and reasoning has finally given way completely to madness? This is sheer insanity on their part and shows a certain level of sick desperation as they try to drag every aspect of life into their cause. From my perspective, the longer they drag this out, the less credible it becomes. Eventually global warming will be nothing more than a giant practical joke; and they will be able to look back at studies like this and realize that they are the ones who turned themselves into a laughing stock of science.
micky2 said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Maybe they should all move into the nearest stadium together. And then Bush could drum up some of that fake intelligence hes so famous for and say Bin Laden is hiding there. Couple of bunker busters oughta do the trick.
Gauranteed they’re green sex shmucks too. Probably euthanised their own kids and buried them somewhere.
mpinkeyes said,
December 3, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Hopefully they have hit the point of no return. Their theories are getting less and less credible, they are sounding more and more insane. We can only hope they self implode before they cost us millions of dollars in taxes.
How many unhappy, green couples are we going to have out there now? Surely no matter how miserable they are they will have to stay together in order to trully practice what they preach.
Angie said,
December 3, 2007 at 11:11 pm
ROFL! Picturing them picking up the pewked on shoes.Gotta save them, ya know.
What will they think up next?
They will probably do as Gore and just pay like he supposedly does when using his jet and high energy bills.
viciemonkey said,
December 4, 2007 at 5:11 am
Yet here we are paying them attention and acknowledging their “being-ness”. If it weren’t so hilarious, it would be sad. Someday it will be. Do you ever wonder if we stopped fighting them would they just go away? You have got to admit, it is exhausting dealing with their lack of logic, and have you EVER been able to sway them to see one point you have ever tried to make? On the other hand, maybe we need them to exist? You know, the clown fish and the sea anemone?
Holly said,
December 4, 2007 at 6:40 am
But wait…why are we getting married in the first place, to make children? But they ruin teh planet oh noes!!!
That has got to be the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard.
arclightzero said,
December 4, 2007 at 6:52 am
Well, we all know that the greenies are full of contradiction and double negatives. Maybe that’s why they are so unhappy. I mean, how can you possibly be at all happy if you can’t make any sense of your own life? Don’t marry or have kids because it’s bad for the environment. But don’t divorce either, because it’s bad for the environment. But if you don’t marry to begin with, is it bad for the environment since you’re still living in two households?
What ever happened to love and commitment to a relationship and another person? Has that just gone right out the window with these people? When the debate over marriage turns to global warming, you really have to wonder just how these people live their lives. Has environmentalism really taken top priority over everything else in their lives? It really is sickening.
Jason said,
December 4, 2007 at 7:13 am
If you take this logic a step further, shouldn’t they just be promoting gay marriage for everyone? That would help save the planet. Fewer households and no kids. Everybody wins.
micky2 said,
December 4, 2007 at 9:27 am
Have any of us ever felt so useless to the point that we just have to get up and do something ? No matter how stupid or useless it seems?
I mean, I’m just trying to associate myself with the frame of mind it takes to get going on one of these clusterfuck lifestyles. What in the hell prompted this ?
Are there people in our society that feel they are so useless or irrelevant to any other cause that they have to go with something as unreasonable and obscure as this ?
It sounds to me like these idiots at one time or another in their life put some serious effort into something actually worthy and their efforts, and failed. After these failures they go to extremes to make sure they get their fix of feeling usefull. Kind of like that feeling a teenage boy or girl gets the first time they get dumped.
Its fucking easy as hell to say that you’re doing the earth a favor by not reproducing, or eating carbs that produce methane. But its also just as easy to say that I’m doing the earth a favor by not walking on it. You know, swing from trees you’re whole life so you dont erode the surface.
And then you can stand on a branch and bang your chest like some DEE de Deee retard and tell the world “Look everybody ! I’m helping, I’m helping !”
But then shortly thereafter you might tell your self “arent I hurting the trees?”
I mean maybe these people are actually so stupid that they cant actually see that if they were true believers of this crap they would of killed themselves long ago. By their logic suicide is truly the only way to get results from their ideas.
So why are they still here ?
We all know that its really hard to kill yourself, right ? And that I assume goes for these dweebs also.
So now they’re at the point of paradox. Which when given in heavy doses can also be reason enough to want to off yourself.
So after my rambling here , I’ve come to the conclusion that the ones who dont kill themselves will be the ones who out of plain fatigue from holding the blade to their wrist will give this shit up and move on to more productive lives. Those stragglers who persist in the hamster wheel will be locked up eventually and you and I will foot the bill.
With my experience in drug and alcohol addictions and serious character disorders that lead to it, I would give these morons about 5 years before they all die , go nuts or wise up.
No Compromises said,
December 4, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Just remember that liberalism is a mental disorder! Liberals aka Modern Progressives aka Socialists aka Marxists-Leninists are like abusers: You can never make them happy or content, and they could have all of the power and control they can get their conniving evil hands on, and they will still seek more!
I actually feel sorry for the poor schmucks! I beg your pardon, forgive me for insulting schmucks.
Holly said,
December 5, 2007 at 6:49 am
“We all know that its really hard to kill yourself”
Hmm…I wonder what “Green Suicide” would be…hemp rope?
Howard MacKinnon said,
December 5, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Maybe lawyers could get in this somehow too! Besides just the divorce part…